FOR THE BIBLICAL VICTIMS OF GOD'S WHIMS

In Genesis, God planted a tree in the middle of the Garden of Eden, amongst many other trees. He described this tree as the source of good and evil. He then forbade man from ever touching nor think of eating from its fruits. Fast forward a short time afterwards, Eve, Adam's wife, convinced her husband to eat of this fruit. W e all know the rest of the story. Let me mention also the fact that it was another creature of God, the serpent, who showed Eve the seductive beauty of this forbidden fruit. Infact, he explained to her all the benefits attached to the consumption of this fruit. No wonder, the serpents in the advertising industry have successfully convinced women to serve as the medium of selling products over time. Something tells me that Eve offered Adam that fruit during a very steamy intimate and passionate moment. I mean, how else could she have persuaded her husband to forget Almighty God's instructions and eaten the forbidden fruit? History has proved time and time again how women have continually been the very original sources of the most astounding downfalls of world leaders.

The thing has continued to baffle me about this story since I first comprehended it is simply why God had to even plant that tree in the garden in the first place. Why would God intentionally put both good and evil choices before a man, who apparently from his actions since creation, cannot help his sinfulness? I have asked this question severally, but then everyone keeps telling me that there are certain mysteries that are left unresolved. I did left the question alone for sometime, but now, I need answers. The story in the garden of Eden could have gone in this way too: God not planting that tree in the middle of the garden or anywhere else for that matter. God could also not have created the serpent and given it the ability to be cunning and conniving. The result of this would be that there would have been no temptation to disobey God, man would still be in the Garden, of course in billions of number as of today, walking around naked and totally cool with each others nakedness, there wouldn't have been painful childbirths for women, difficult livelihood for men, no Cain killing Abel, no flood destroying the earth as in the days of Noah and so on and so on and so on. Just imagine that kind of a world. A perfect world!

Now, another story that fills me with confusion from the bible is the emancipation of the Hebrew people from Egypt. Agreed, the Egyptian king was reluctant in granting freedom to the race that provided him with the freest and most affordable source of labour, the Bible recorded in Exodus that God hardened the heart of this unfortunate Pharaoh, thus making him all the more obstinate in his stand to not let the Hebrews have their freedom. The question is this, since it was God that hardened his heart, we can logically say that he was not in control of his actions, right? It makes sense to me this way. It also means he had no chance at all from the beginning of the plagues that were inflicted on him and his entire kingdom. I mean, he was a puppet and God was pulling the strings. At the end, Egypt lost a whole generation of first born sons, got their economy, water, farmland destroyed, and even a whole army in pursuit of the escaping Hebrews.

Why didn't God just let the Hebrews fight just like the black race fought for freedom from slavery in America and Europe? That war was long, macabre, tough, violent, but it was won from persistent tenacity and a very long period of racial abuses and prejudices. There were several Moses but no direct divine intervention. Till today, the blacks are still recovering from the whole dastard experience that lasted several centuries. Didn't African colonies struggle under the most despicable and unfair rule from Britain and its sister Colonial masters over the longest time too?

Then there's the story of King Samuel. Sometimes, when I meditate on these stories, I shudder at God's scale of judgement. This poor man disobeyed God and was instantly condemned with no opportunity of repentance. The bible recorded that God sent an evil spirit from His presence to go and permanently torment Saul. An evil spirit o! We all know how possessed people behave right?  All of this for not carrying out God's instructions to the letter. Meanwhile, his successor, David, the man after God's own heart, was a wife snatcher, he took Abigail from Nabal. He was marching down with his men to go kill Nabal when he was informed on the way that God had already taken care of that task for him. He also covetously  seized Bathsheba from Urriah, and what more, even had him murdered! So, David was both a covetous man and a murderer, as recorded by the Bible. Yet he managed to curry God's favour every single time. He wasn't tormented with an evil spirit. Yes, I know my fellow Christians will say he enjoyed immense grace, but personally though, I find it confusing that God would choose one person over the other, yet we all are His creatures.

The most unfortunate of the pack was Judas Iscariot. I pity that man everyday. He had been specially chosen to be the one to betray Jesus.I really don't know why he had to suffer such fate though. Yes, he was dishonest and stole from the disciples' contributions, but so did Matthew before he became a disciple. He was a tax collector, which is equivalent to a Nigerian politician. He found grace but poor Judas didn't. He really deserved to be redeemed in my view, since somebody had to do that dirty job of selling Jesus out anyway, which if u asked me, was not necessary. Jesus could just as well have been arrested without the aid of one of His inner circle. And to seal such bad fate, he killed himself which in Christendom qualified him straight for blazing hell fire. How sad!

I really should stop talking now. I don't want my friends to start thinking that i have crossed to the other side. However, I think that we all should really be careful with God. If we happen to be as unfortunate as these ones that made my list, we all know what their ends were. Or maybe the prophets who constantly have visions and converse with God can ask Him why He was like that with these ones and the rest.

ABOUT THIS SHITTY SCHEME..

Another monday again. The shitty gathering they call CDS is holding and me, even though very unwilling, cannot even contemplate the thought of staying back at home. I have just barely four weeks to the glorious passing out ceremony. It would be utterly foolish of me to risk an extension through an unnecessary absence. I still cannot fathom the need for this absolutely time wasting scheme they call National Youth Service Corps. It is nothing more than pure shenanigan. Proud graduates of prestigious courses are treated to the most disdainful experiences. Just imagine that a whole lawyer is reduced to nothing more than a clerical staff, doing nothing other than making photocopies of some stupid court processes. Worse still, he's scolded when he makes a mistake like a five year old. Hence my hurry to finish with the whole thing and just move on with my life.

Anyway, so after managing to drag myself out of the house, our generous neighbour, who lives downstairs offeredo give me a ride to Berger. I thank God for my good luck. It took us approximately thirty minutes to escape from the quagmiric traffic that bedevilled us on the way out of Kubwa to reach Mabushi. Suddenly, my neighbour remembers his route was actually off Berger and apologetically drops me off at that point.Was I angry? Of course not. I just patiently stand under the harsh sun, burning,while I fought with the other commuters to grab a cab. Finally, after a long while, one shows up and charges me half of what I left the house with. I didn't even mind. I jumped in as soon as I saw this very determined man coming for hard earned found cab. Nonsense! I hissed out loudly.

Finally sha, I got to my destination. As expected, the meeting started with words of admonition and endless advice. The usual charade we have conducted every monday for the past ten months now. I just couldn't be happier that I was leaving in a few weeks.W were told to pick random topics and discuss. Some health conscious group of people in the meeting decided that reminding everyone of their personal hygiene was a great way to get us interractive.Oh, did you know that cucumber is one of the most healthy food in the world. According to our health experts, it is advisable to always dump your dinner for at least five meals of cucumber every night. Yeah. I'm serious o.

Ehen,that was how we got to the topic of the appropriate use of make up by women. What did I not hear from all these fake assed boys that day? They all started claiming that they never really give a rat ass about any girl who loves to appreciate the work of Picasso on her face. Of course the shallow faced girls who were so guilty started to protest. I had no issue with all of that. Until This girl stood up and said that women make all the efforts for the sake of men. Hian! I was so mad. I just cannot comprehend how a woman can wake up and decide to put the impression of some man above and over herself. Do we really need the approval of men to look good? If using all the array of makeup available on earth at once lifts your self esteem, by all means, go ahead and apply them. What I won't accept or defend is to claim that the reason you eneded up looking more like a scare crow and all plastic is because you wanted to please a man. Sisters! It's about time we started feeling good and confindent about the decisions we make for ourselves.To worsen the whole matter, some idiot who was heavily made up herself decided to lend her coarse voice to the whole discuss by referring to people like that as 'prostitutes'. What ignorance!

By the end of the meeting, I was too happy to leave. When I finally conclude this scheme, I am pretty sure I'll only miss about a handful of people. Well, it wasn't all that terrible though. I had some very memorable times with certain people, even though we are no longer in talking terms particularly, but it was surely blissful while it lasted. I cannot but unequivocally state that service year was not as adventurous and beneficial as promised. That irks me all the time.

I hope you folks are having a wonderful week?

ON THAT OVERHYPED TOPIC…

Last week, I had an episode, a very interesting one at that. There I was, chilling in my cousin’s office and having a beautiful chat with her boss. He was telling me how sex was not the hallmark of the best relationships in the world. He said understanding your spouse was way more important than just romping under the sheets with him or her. Now, this is classified information, but he told me that there are times he would go months without touching his wife. Now, that is a very dysfunctional relationship as far as I am concerned. My cousin’s boss, who I’ve been referring to all day, happens to be the perfect spec of the physical requirement of a male specimen. He is really tall, built, has an impeccable dress sense and very jovial. He runs a very viable business outfit and he is quite passionate about his job. So, you can imagine that a man that successful and not keen on intimacy, especially with his very pretty wife is quite disturbing in a way.  Oh, did I mention that he is also a pastor in his Assembly too? His position on sex in marriage is what I found really strange. This is a man who has been married a long time now. I asked him how his wife coped and he said she has had to teach herself over the years to flow with him in that area as in other areas too.

At first, I just concluded that he had to be cheating on her. Well, it doesn’t matter what the truth is about that conclusion and I pray for God’s pardon if I concluded wrongly. Who could blame me though? We have been told on various occasions that men were insatiably horny creatures and women must always be ahead of them to keep them tightened to their loins. In fact, on one of these occasions, we were told that even when some women found it most unimaginably horrifying to go down on their men or be gone down on, it should be condoned where marriage is concerned. We were told to prepare to wash our husband’s ‘cores’ with our mouths as much as it is demanded for in order to ensure that other women, who were most likely to be single, would not be joyfully doing that duty for us. In fact, I have come to conclude over the years that whether I liked it or not, these duties are expected of me if I wanted to make the pass mark of the good wife. After all, the very reason marriage was established was to men very happy irrespective of the reservations, beliefs and fears of their wives. In the case of my elderly friend, just because he is not keen on sex, his wife has had to learn to rein in her sexual drives and tailor it to suit the husband’s sexual timetable.

This piece is not about the emancipation of the sexual freedom of women though so, you guys can like to down your looks of lethal weapons and ease up on the whole ‘these feminists have come again’ hisses. My question is this: is intimacy really the cement of a marital relationship? Let us consider the relationships of the very lasting unions of the popular and familiar people that I know. I will start on a personal note. Before my Grandpapa passed away, he had the most quarrelsome relationship with my Grand mama.  They always argued about everything, yet even when he was allowed to; my Grandfather did not marry two wives. He lived out his life with my grandmother. I really cannot certainly claim that it was the sex that kept that man stuck to my grandmother. During his burial ceremony, my grandmother was totally distraught. Then, I understood that what they shared surpassed the petty fights they always had to have and even now, Mama cannot most of the times, hide her loneliness.

Furthermore, take Charlie Boy and his eccentric wife for example too. They have been married for over three decades now. They have flourished in their madness together and Lady Di has not seen why she should leave that man. In fact, it seems like the more they stay together, the crazier Charlie Boy gets. It definitely cannot be the sex that has kept those two going for so long. Obasanjo and his harem of wives cannot also tell us that they have enjoyed so much intimacy for so long that the thought of leaving Baba would be so unconceivable. Look at Chief Anenih and that wife of his, Justice Anenih. That woman in all her elegance, education and intellectualism chose to be second wife to an eighty year old man. What about Olu Jacobs and Joke Silva? The most amazing of them all are late Odumegwu Ojukwu and that very fine wife of his. I had to pick my references from people who have spent so much time together because it seem like the most objective way to look at it. Not to forget my own folks. Those two have on so many occasions, made me believe that I was going to end up with separated parents. Yet, every time, they have managed to come out of the turbulence even as stronger people. It definitely isn’t about the intimacy. I asked them and the list I got was amidst other adjectives, strange.

I have had to wonder all my life why sex has had to be so overrated. The first time I was bold enough to discuss sex with a friend, I asked him how he felt after the whole episode. He told me that no matter the number of times he did it and no matter how amazing it was, five minutes afterwards, he was feeling hollow again. Not to say that it applies to everyone the same way, but my point is that sex may not be the cornerstone of any relationship. There are people whose spouses have been bedridden for years, or who became incapable of being sexually alive due to some circumstances and who still have a rock solid relationship. Believe me, there are people like that in existence. How come the lack of sex failed to drive them apart?

On a final note, this should not be considered as a conclusive opinion. I am just expressing my opinions and I beckon on you good people of my generation, (by that I mean men and women of marriageable ages, and the married ones too), to enlighten me on what keeps a relationship between a man and a woman lovingly lasting.