An incident happened tonight in our house, (my uncle's house i meant). We were watching a soap opera titled 'Now that we are married' and a scene in the soap spurred a series of altercation. Of course I was in the middle of it all. In that scene, a man commanded his wife to get into the car and if she dares disobeys, by God, he will not be held responsible for his actions. Now, it will only be fair to lead you properly through this story by telling you why this woman decided to be that stubborn. It just so happened that on friday night, the man went clubbing. Alone, if I might add. He comes home quite late. Very late. Meanwhile the poor woman was awake all through that period, worried sick. She made frantic calls to everyone she knew asking after this husband of hers.

Finally, the man comes home. He came home reeking of alcohol and very drunk. On top of it all, he forcibly sleeps with his wife amidst her protests. Now, I would effortlessly term this as rape but since they are married, I guess that may be too strong a word. Well, the woman, obviously truamatised by such experience, left her home and went back to her parents' home.

Now this man was obviously sorry the next day, (at least that was what was shown). He could have gone looking for his wife and made up with her, but he chose to listen to his friend who convinced him somehow, to forget about that proud rich girl he call a wife. He instead of going to look for his wife, decided to go eat 'sunday rice' in another friend's house.

Now fast forward to the original scene. His method of making up is to command the wife into the car. The good woman of course gets in and somehow, they make up.

Now you might be wondering what vexed me in this story. At least they made up, right? Well, I would not have been so enraged if not for the statement made by one of the men living with us. He said the man should not have bothered apologising since he was doing a very good job asserting his authority by successfully commanding the wife to enter the car. I went into a fit instantly. Moreso, because he was damned serious too!

Then we got into the real argument. He said the woman was wise in entering the car as commanded and that the man had every right to command her. This is a man who abused his wife. This man rendered no apology, yet someone thinks that that how men behaved. Like seriously? Well, I told him that if I was that woman, I would actually leave in my own car and wait to see what that man would do. And no matter what anyone says, I still insist that I would not do otherwise.

While I admire the wisdom of that woman who put the preservation of her marriage first, I also believe that respect must be reciprocal. You cannot rape me and expect me to 'say thank you for a wonderful night baby' the morning after, simply because you happen to be my husband!

A lot of people see me as a feminist. I see myself more as a realist. One of my favourite quotes is 'what is sauce for the goose also goes for the gander'. Why should a woman be told to shut up in the face of oppression? The other day, I saw a movie where a man continuously physically abused his wife till he killed her. I always say that i am very sure that Jesus Christ would not mind if a woman moves out of a home where she's been constantly battered. It is only a living soul that can intercede for the stubborn hearted. Of what use is a dead wife? The film 'Mr and Mrs' appealed greatly to me because it portrayed a woman who was a fighter. She stood her ground and won back her crumbled marriage. She repositioned herself, took back her self respect and lived again. That is my woman right there. Not all women may be so brave or fortunate, but nothing should ever take away the fight in any woman.

I am definitely not asking women to be rebellious. That is not my point. What I am saying is that women must always jealously secure her pride and self esteem. In a world where men have cut out where they want women to tread and positions that they feel are most suitable for women, we cannot afford to just lean back lazily and be led helplessly about with a leash like dogs. We have choices. Let us make them correctly. We will be happy for it.