Has there ever been any kind of cushion for unforeseen tragedies and shocking revelations? Nobody is ever adequately prepared for a rough shake from reality. It just shoots from directions you cannot preempt and takes you down. I just got a parcel from a body whose certification examination I took and I was informed that I did not pass. Even now, I'm still utterly awestruck. This is a first time for me and I have no idea as to how to react. I have never repeated an exam in my life! I am not boasting or seeking for any kind of sympathy at all. I am just trying to embrace the feeling of failing an academic endeavour. I didn't even see it coming at all, neither would my family when I inform them.
Now that I think about it, failure isn't such a terrible thing. I have realised now that I will never have everything as I wish and the reason being that life will always give me a lightening jolt of realistic shocks. I fell in love with a particular boy as far back as 2007. For five years we were together in the same class and were pretending to be friendly with each other, while suppressing the need to openly express and be with each other. He is still actively present in my life. I still haven't had the pleasure of claiming him for myself yet. Doesn't that make me a loser in this sense too? And very unfortunately, I am still irredeemably in love with him, beyond explanation or reason. I have come to learn to accept defeat for battles I cannot win while working on my strategy to emerge victorious at the end of the war.
At the end of the day, the most important lesson is to know now that nothing will ever prepare you for the shock that follows a major defeat. No matter how many times you have gone down that road, or how you always suspected you would be disappointed, there is always that tiny bird that whispers hope to you in the midst of it all.Now, the issue is whether it makes any sense to feed this bird with seeds of relentless passion. How do you know it won't sing you a false song of victory again?Again, starving yourself of faith and hope will only make you look pathetic and empty of passion and content.
If science had packed up at the temple of religion, I doubt if we would ever have been able to, as a race, made all the amazing breakthroughs in technology as we have today. If reason were to be replaced with sentiments every time, the powerful people who have annihilated the rest of humanity that don't fit their approved species. That is what hope gives to you. The strength to outdo yourself every time circumstances tend to make you think less of your abilities.
All this being said, I will take this course again, not for me though. I would take it again for my dad. he paid for it, expensively too. This time however, I'll do it from my own pocket. Time to grow up and take responsibility for myself now. However, the biggest problem I will be facing in the meantime is finding the best means and choice of words to pass this sad news to my father, mother and sisters. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to physically feel the pangs of their disappointing 'ah's and 'ooh's. For the records though, I will be in shock over this for a really long time to come.
Olayinka is on twitter as @rubyxion..
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